Original Airdate: October 26, 1990
You can watch this episode on Hulu (free with subscription), Amazon, YouTube, iTunes, and Google Play (each for $1.99) or on DVD.
I never really thought about this before sitting down and trying to think of something interesting to say about Family Matters in introducing this episode, but it occurred to me that up to 90% of Family Matters episodes have the same essential plot. And then it occurred to me that I was limiting it to the episodes that aired after Steve Urkel's hijacking of the series (season 2ish on) but before the thing went totally off the rails. I would put the latter event in the 5thish season, with the introduction of boss sauce and the Stephan Urquelle character.
Your classic Steve Urkel episodes have a Winslow being rightly impatient, irritated, or angry with Steve. The Chosen Winslow and Steve get into some kind of jam together. Steve either saves the day or get his ass saved by someone else, which somehow causes the Winslow and Steve to mend fences. "Dog Day Halloween" is no exception.
That's the A plot of this episode. Steve and Laura stop at the bank on their way home from a long day at Rachel's Place (I think) to deposit their paychecks. I believe they were also tasked with bringing Halloween candy home for trick-or-treaters visiting the Winslow family home, which comes into play later. Steve is unremarkably dressed as Superman, which is a little funny because the unitard enhances Steve's wiry frame. Laura is dressed as...wait for it...can you guess...I bet you can...TINA FUCKING TURNER. Laura is an adorable, fairly authentic, mes0-pubescent version of Tina Turner. Which leads to an episode-long joke in which she is misidentified as other pop stars. Laura consistently corrects the person with the same two word response: "Tina Turner." I like this joke. It goes on too long and is repetitive and I like that in a sitcommy joke. At one point she's even mistaken for Paula Abdul, taking the joke to its unexpected logical conclusion. *fingertip kiss*
While they're there, a man dressed as Abraham Lincoln holds up the bank. Abe finds out Laura is a cop's daughter because Carl is among the cops called to the scene after a bank teller triggers the silent alarm. I don't know anything about hostage negotiation procedures outside of what I learned from TV, but this one goes through the typical motions of (1) bank robber realizes the police are on the scene, (2) police contact the bank robber by telephone, (3) bank robber makes demands, (4) police give off the impression that they will meet said demands, and (5) cops begin to make arrangements to either meet said demands or give off the impression that they will meet said demands. The twist in this case of course is that Carl is the officer making the phone call and the bank robber puts Laura on the phone. Laura I guess understandably doesn't keep her cool and shouts "Dad?!" into the phone and Abraham Lincoln suddenly realizes he has hand.
Meanwhile, back at the Winslow home, Harriet has nothing to pass out to neighborhood trick-or-treaters. She makes due with what she has on hand, which ends up being cans of soup and pork and beans, which as a joke is fairly lame, even for Family Matters. Since this is TV and everyone spends a fortune on costumes despite not having any particular plans, Harriet is dressed as the Hunchback of Notre Dame and she's really digging it. Estelle is hanging out too and she's dressed as Blanche Hudson from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? I'm going to give a rare Nice Job, Family Matters Salute to this costume choice.
The C plot of sorts involves Telma Hopkins taking little Richie and pre-disappearance Judy trick-or-treating. I think literally the only reason we have this C plot is because Judy is fucking adorable in her Rhythm Nation-era Janet Jackson costume. Maybe also because it gave them an opportunity to flaunt Richie's zeitgeisty Raphael costume. These actually represent two opportunities writers had in this episode to really date the thing. That and the Don King costume Rodney wore which I didn't even feel like talking about.
Aaaaaanyway, back at the bank, the hostages are waiting to be saved and the bank robber is waiting for his pizza, which as of course we know from TV is always among a bank robber's demands. We get a direct view of Steve Urkel's deepest anxieties in the form of a dramatization of his hero fantasy. Steve imagines himself kicking the bank robber's ass using a Karate Kid impression and single-handedly saving the day, which is why the writers made the Superman choice to begin with I guess. Pete pointed out that the Karate Kid impression is almost trope-like in its ubiquity in sitcom-core-era sitcoms.
We're snapped back to reality and then the pizza arrives. The pizza is delivered by Carl in disguise. He's wearing a dreadlock wig and speaks in a bad Jamaican accent. This is an example of a tendency much more common in Saved by the Bell for sitcom characters to conceal their identity for no real reason. The bank robber didn't know what Carl looked like. The bank robber opens the pizza box to release those spring-loaded snakes that more often pop out of cans of peanut brittle. Snakes jumping out of a can of peanut brittle is another thing that is crazy common on TV but I have never found myself in the position to be startled by snakes coming out of a can of peanut brittle in real life. I guess it must happen in real life sometimes because as of press time, the Magic Depot is sold out of snakes hiding in a can of peanut brittle. I think if anyone offered me peanut brittle I would decline not because I'm afraid of snakes but mainly because peanut brittle gives every single person over the age of 30 a toothache. But even if you like peanut brittle, I think as a precaution it would be a good idea to turn it down because I've learned from TV that cans of peanut brittle are at least five times more likely to contain spring-loaded snakes than peanut brittle. Which is the genius of putting spring-loaded snakes in a pizza box instead. I would not turn down a slice of pizza for the exact same reasons I would turn down peanut brittle: pizza does not make my teeth hurt and pizza boxes almost never contain spring-loaded snakes.
Carl Winslow is a police officer and is more qualified than Steve Urkel to defeat a bank robber in a physical confrontation and does. Rather than being relieved to get out of the situation with his life, Steve is actually pretty sad that he wasn't the one to come out as a hero in front of Laura. Carl talks him down and reminds Steve that he's a cop, etc., etc. I'm as angry as I've ever been about this as I type it out. Get fucked, Steve.
Anticlimax: Steve and Laura get home safely with Carl and Harriet asks where they've been.
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